Wise Speech: A Translation for Me

"My silences had not protected me. Your silence will not protect you. But for every real word spoken, for every attempt I had ever made to speak those truths for which I am still seeking, I had made contact with other women while we examined the words to fit a world in which we all believed, bridging our differences."
— Audre Lorde (The Cancer Journals)

I almost didn't go to Sangha, because the article to read in preparation was "Wise Speech." I reacted with such resistance to what I initially read as another way to shut up people of different colors and culture, particularly my color and my people, without feeling like you're being oppressive. That resistance came on a day when my body, mind and spirit was feeling all the weights that I carry and I didn't want to hear about my need to use speech to be harmonious and not cause people to suffer.

Of course, the article was not an attack against me or anyone, but it did contain within it certain ideals and language that seemed dismissive of the realities of my history and my life. The article dismissed "frivolous"speech and "lies" as being unwise speech. Some might consider the kitchen talk that passed on wisdom and stories of pain and laughter and life both lies and frivolous, but it is where I continue to draw much of my strength and wisdom from. Like many articles about wise speech, silence is lauded as a wonderful way of being. My journey in this life to be a better person has often led me to silence rather than peace and the silence gave me no protection. I get triggered when I am given the goal of silence. Like most things, I have to translated the Dharma for me (this is Buddha's instruction) and I had to do it for this article.

What is the goal of "wise speech?" For me the goal is to be true to my deepest, most authentic self, come from love, and come from clarity. My speech is "wisest" when I know what's going on with me and the situation. It should be timely and appropriate, but it may not always be "nice." On the contrary, "harmony" may work against not just my truth, but get in the way of my coming together with a person I love, care about, or work with. Buddhism for me is all about moving beyond the delusion of separateness and wise speech is a tool to move beyond that delusion.

Wise speech is a crucial tenet of Buddhism, but to be useful it must be understood deeply by me. There is a place for silence, both strategic and Noble. I have experienced the deep dissatisfaction that comes after an angry eruption and I clearly see how wise it is to not project my speech from the place of anger, but I certainly see it as wise to speak from the place of pain. Just as I've learned to trust that just as I will not die from unmindful speech from another person, I don't believe they will they die from my unmindful speech. I believe that sometimes authentic and unmindful speech may be necessary to move to a place of love and connection. This space gives me the courage to continue to speak from a place of wisdom, the ideal that I'm often presented with, only leaves me futility.