om mani padme hum

The Three Jewels of Buddhism- Buddham Sharanam Gacchami Hymn

Uposatha Day

I went to my first Uposatha Day at the Washington Buddhist Vihara, a day of focusing on the Three Jewels and rededicating myself to the power of the practice. It was an amazing time and the first time I got a chance to be with monks for a prolonged period of time. They were both knowledgeable and funny. One monk shared his struggle with his family to become a monk at 8 years old (his mother made him wait two additional years before he was allowed to go to the temple). We received a presentation about stress and Buddhism that was amazing.

The day was so rich and I felt my meditation was being supported by the other practitioners in the hall. The with everything being connected by to the Dharma through the sutras. The yoga teacher that came carried the same spirit of awareness. We seemed to even move within the dharma. I left feeling rejuvenated, but knowing I have so much more to learn.

The Money Question

I've just been blessed to receive scholarships for two retreats. I bow deeply to those who generously support the retreats that allow me to have the opportunity to attend. The question that haunts me is, when does the "compassion fatigue" set in. I'm constantly on alert for the droopy eye, pained sigh, or weary shoulder shrug.

Even as I work to be able to contribute more toward these learning opportunities, I am thinking how "my sangha" would handle the money question. I think I'd like something like a "susu." A susu or a njange is- here's a primer: usually a susu or njange is comprised of family members, friends or even co-workers who band together to form a financial savings group.(information from http://www.africanmag.com/ARTICLE-386-design001) This susu would be used to help people buy books or attend retreats that they might not otherwise be able to attend.

Since my sangha would work like a family, I'd encourage a culture that valued putting money away for dana and our susu. We could do this because a lot of our "fun" would be at home and free. I'd like to know the model that's followed in different parts of the world around learning more about this tradition with you have "no shoes."

The Invitation

The Invitation

By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
And if you dare to dream of meeting
Your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
For love, for your dream,
For the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow,
If you have been opened by life's betrayals,
Or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain,
Mine or your own,
Without moving
To hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy,
Mine or your own,
If you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
Without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic,
or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself,
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
I want to know if you can be faithless and therefore be trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty
Even when it is not pretty every day,
And if you can source your life
From its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure,
Yours and mine,
And still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,
Weary and bruised to the bone,
And do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't interest me who you are, how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
In the center of the fire with me
And not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
From the inside
When all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
With yourself,
And if you truly like the company you keep
In the empty moments.

In my thoughts of how the "No Shoes" sangha would work, I believe I'd start with this poem. It strips out all the class and race refuges and gets to the essentials. The hard truth is that the way to break through the illusion of separation is through opening our hearts and sharing joy and pain with historical "enemies." Even harder, the way for me to break through my illusion of separation is to love, share, want the best for my "enemies."

I have spent much of my life in various movements and have watched myself and others try to accomplish justice without the love and reconciliation that's required. This is another poem that underscores our/my challenge, but it is one we must address because...

You will not be a mystic
until you are like the earth - both the righteous and the sinner tread upon it;
and until you are like the cloud - they shade all things;
and until you are like the rain - it waters all things,
whether they like it or not.

Bayazid Bistami

The Jewels I Carry

The Buddha, the dharma, and sangha are the jewels that I carry and adorn my consciousness. In the past few years, I've carried these jewels with me everywhere. Here's my translation of my understanding of the jewels: (1) Buddha the human example; (2) dharma, teaching that awakened me; and (3) sangha, a community that nourishes my being present, being awake.

Of course it goes much deeper and I have had the opportunity to be exposed to teachers that have shown me the many facets of the jewels. Sometimes I followed what they were saying and sometimes I didn't, but the beauty of Buddhism and its power is it can be lifesaving even when I have neither the time or the inclination to be "deep." I don't have to feel "good" or even have a "sit." These jewels are available with every step and every breath.

A Step

No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path. Buddha

Having studied and participated in sangha for several years I can appreciate the deep wisdom of Buddha's words. This brown ex-prince from India calls me to embrace the hard truths and deep beauty of my life. At the same time, by acknowledging the what is, which in my case is racism, sexism, ageism, and classism, to name a few, I am not captured by these labels. That freedom from tragic histories and current catastrophes has given me freedom.

So much of what I've seen about Buddhism is written by well schooled, well traveled white people. This is not a diatribe against the history and privilege that make their schooling and travels possible, but simply an acknowledgment that my experience of "Western" Buddhism comes from people whose lineages and lives are very different from mine and of course impact their understanding and practice of Buddhism. This being the case, I wanted to start this blog to give voice to those of us traveling the eightfold path without shoes. Those of us who worry about bus and train transportation money to sangha gatherings, who are unable to afford to buy the many wonderful books. Even more than economic differences and what that means to my practice, I want to give voice for my different cultural references and to look at the assumptions that underlie so much of what I've been exposed to. Further, I want to imagine, craft, and bring forth an alternate sangha structure for people like me.

Thankfully, I am an active part of an amazing POC (people of color) sangha that rocks and rolls in ways familiar that resonates with me. Yet, even there, the majority are much younger and are much more schooled than I am. So, if you ramble by and are similarly walking this path "without shoes" I'd love you to share your comments.