A Great Gift of the Dharma - Loving w/o Fear

At the last meeting of the POC Sangha, one of the anchors of my life, we were asked about how our practice hand informed our lives. I threaded through the different answers that presented themselves to me, but this is the one that has had the greatest impact on my life and stands as the reason I am so wedded to the Dharma--the ability to love without fear.

Specifically, I said (as I remember it), "I can meet my desire to love without fear of being destroyed by the loving." Because of Buddhism, I have come to understand that real love does not come from a hungry heart, but a whole one. It does not come from sacrifice, but bounty. Most important to me, I can love without depletion. It does not trigger fatigue, or depression as the object(s) of my "love" "disappoints" me and a "love them anyway."a

Instead I am both emboldened and humbled by the joy of loving without fear. The old "disappointment," when its echo arises, is replaced with either a wry sense of understanding (a recognition that "I've done that") or a deep sense of compassion (a recognition that "I've done that") often it's both.

I am no longer am lost in the illusion of separateness. I am free from that illusion and that means there is no "other" who will either fulfill my love or disappoint me. I have my preferences, I would rather you smile than frown at me, but more and more it is just a preference. Some days, I walk the streets greeting strangers with my bucked tooth smile. How do they respond? It doesn't matter :-)

Through the Dharma, I am free to love whoever presents themselves in my life--without fear. There is nothing to be afraid of.

Metta

The Money Question

I've just been blessed to receive scholarships for two retreats. I bow deeply to those who generously support the retreats that allow me to have the opportunity to attend. The question that haunts me is, when does the "compassion fatigue" set in. I'm constantly on alert for the droopy eye, pained sigh, or weary shoulder shrug.

Even as I work to be able to contribute more toward these learning opportunities, I am thinking how "my sangha" would handle the money question. I think I'd like something like a "susu." A susu or a njange is- here's a primer: usually a susu or njange is comprised of family members, friends or even co-workers who band together to form a financial savings group.(information from http://www.africanmag.com/ARTICLE-386-design001) This susu would be used to help people buy books or attend retreats that they might not otherwise be able to attend.

Since my sangha would work like a family, I'd encourage a culture that valued putting money away for dana and our susu. We could do this because a lot of our "fun" would be at home and free. I'd like to know the model that's followed in different parts of the world around learning more about this tradition with you have "no shoes."