At the last meeting of the POC Sangha, one of the anchors of my life, we were asked about how our practice hand informed our lives. I threaded through the different answers that presented themselves to me, but this is the one that has had the greatest impact on my life and stands as the reason I am so wedded to the Dharma--the ability to love without fear.
Specifically, I said (as I remember it), "I can meet my desire to love without fear of being destroyed by the loving." Because of Buddhism, I have come to understand that real love does not come from a hungry heart, but a whole one. It does not come from sacrifice, but bounty. Most important to me, I can love without depletion. It does not trigger fatigue, or depression as the object(s) of my "love" "disappoints" me and a "love them anyway."a
Instead I am both emboldened and humbled by the joy of loving without fear. The old "disappointment," when its echo arises, is replaced with either a wry sense of understanding (a recognition that "I've done that") or a deep sense of compassion (a recognition that "I've done that") often it's both.
I am no longer am lost in the illusion of separateness. I am free from that illusion and that means there is no "other" who will either fulfill my love or disappoint me. I have my preferences, I would rather you smile than frown at me, but more and more it is just a preference. Some days, I walk the streets greeting strangers with my bucked tooth smile. How do they respond? It doesn't matter :-)
Through the Dharma, I am free to love whoever presents themselves in my life--without fear. There is nothing to be afraid of.
Metta
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