It calls to me, the call to separation, to move away from "them," those people who I find myself sharing spaces with, spaces I've chosen to be in to learn the Dharma. The call is strongest when I feel myself misunderstood, dismissed, or rejected.
I am an African-American woman of maturity and bring a history of people and a life journey that is filled with rejection, of being the absolute "other." No matter what the particular circumstances of "them," they are NOT my caste and in that one regard they have privilege in this society. My choice to not turn away and follow the Dharma into these foreign spaces has had great reward. I have encountered the reality of "them" as fellow beings, even if their "privileges" have buffeted them from the struggles of my life. I have continued the tradition of many African-American women who can see with a clear eye the ways I am not seen and yet choose to see others as human and whole, even when they deny me the same privilege, either through ignorance, laziness, racism, agism and/or sexism.
This choice has softened my heart and mad me hardy in a way that I did not expect. It has reconnected me to my Blues heritage, holding the bitter and the sweet. Yet the siren call is there always. I want to shout at "them." I want to say, "Do you know how much shit I had to go through to get to this place?" I choose not to give in to my frustration and sadness most of the time.
It is a choice to be in these foreign places, my choice, for my soul and for the liberation of all beings. It is the path I must take. It is a path I think all sentient beings must take. So I will reach out again, feeling I'm playing out some sad old story of asking to join others at the fire and perhaps being told again, "no" or "not unless you don't bring all of you to the fire."
The Dharma leads me farther and farther away from the places and people I know, but the siren call of the Dharma is greater than the call of separation...for now.
Gassho
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